Terror and Panic: I almost died.

For me it is fundamentally terrifying to be inside something that is underwater. If it ever happened, I would panic. As soon as the water closed in reason would flee and my body would fight the walls in a vain hope of oxygen.

And so, I’ve decided to face my fear.

The first time I sat in a kayak it took me almost two minuets to wiggle my legs and hips down into the boat. The whole time the little devil of my fear sat on my shoulder screaming “YOU ARE GOING TO DIE!” Somehow, deep inside, I agreed with him. The two life guards on the side of the pool were a bit reassuring, except that when I was upside-down they wouldn’t’ be able to see me struggling against my plastic grave.

My kayak was in the water now. Charlie, my instructor, told me “just roll under water and pull the skirt off the boat and swim out.” The voice on my shoulder whispered: “You are going to run out of air before you even get out of the boat.” I squeezed my eyes closed trying to ignore the voice; then I rolled to the right.

The water that closed around me was a suffocating blanket. It poured into my nostrils-a violent army overtaking my lungs. My mind panicked. I thought of those lifeguards on the edge of the pool, too far away to save me. Half drowned I realized the voice from my shoulder had been right. Why hadn’t I listened to him back on the concrete? Why didn’t I just stay in my room and study tonight? I didn’t want to die! Charlie wasn’t going to save me; he didn’t want to interfere with my learning the basics. I was about to black out. I had to do something! My hand tried the one thing that that Charlie had said to do. The release cord was only 18inches away, but it took my half drowned mind an eternity in the upside-down wet darkness to find it. The last thing I remember was pulling the cord.

Standing in the pool next to my boat I realized that the life guard’s conversation hadn’t progressed more than a few sentences. Charlie’s “good job! Ready to roll with a paddle?” insinuated that I hadn’t been under for more than five seconds.

There are some striking similarities between my pool experience and my faith experience. For me, trusting God can be like that first roll. I’m sure it couldn’t possibly end well. But I do it. I take the plunge. And when things workout I come back to God, who stands there like Charlie, encouraging me to try something even harder.